secured .

" i love you , i don't need to doubt it cause i already know i do . you make me feel happy in a way no one else can . & if i love you i shouldn't let any doubt ruin us . i won't let something as simple as a doubt because of my past or whatever stop me from loving you :') ! cause i know i will would never ever regret it . i should just let it go ~ all those doubts and thoughts why let them bother me, i'm the one who runs my own head not my thoughts. :') ! yea yea yea ;eeks .. kai qiao alr >:( ! ps took so long ;shy ! "

it has been a long tiring painful & grudgy roller coaster ride i've put you through . but as of now i'll try my best to give u a 10-star cruise all the way <3 . and hey i need you to know that i'm here for whatever problems you might face and i'll face everyone of them with you. slowly tell me ok ? wow.. and i suddenly remembered how i first kissed you that night .. ;shy.. ! sleeeppy le x.x ! *yawnnnn* i bet you're sleeping now :x ! sleep tight ok ! you're birthday is in 3 days time ^^ ! I hope you'll be touched by your present xD .. although its not really big but i hope you'll like it c: !

can't wait to hold you tightly in my arms and hug you soooo soooo tight !! miss your warm loving hugs so badly ! :c ok ~ i'll make u mine soon :b HOHOHO ! den you must call me baby alr hor :p bleah and then ill show you off to the world <3 HEHE ! *mwwwwahhhhh* ! drink loads of water and eat ur breakfast !! <3

I love you too baby ! :3

benjamin :) !

HUG ME THE FIRST THING U SEE ME :c ! muaa !

half-way .

'' when i've cleared everything i swear i'll hug you in my arms and make u mine "

i already know i love you, but it's because my past experiences with doubts on feelings with my ex,  that gives me reasons that i should doubt these feelings . cause halfway through alot of things happened and i forced myself to like her and feelings fade cause of lack of proper communication and all so that is why i have doubts if im forcing myself to like you & when in actual fact i'm not forcing myself at all ~ but gimme a little bit more time to dig in deeper and confront all my doubts ok ? :l i wana find out if there is anything else causing these doubts . i'll confront everything for you , for us . <3

i hope to give you the best birthday present to you on your birthday :') ! anyway i can't wait till friday when i can finally see you and hug you so tight ! n.n everytime i think of your smile it brings a smile to my face . i sumpa >< ! :@ dont call me a pervert for thinking about ur smile ok !! :@ although i like u wearing tank top and stuff but that doesn't mean im a pervert hor !! :@ *rage face*

birthday celebration in 4 days ^^ ! excited ? hohohohoho bet cha are ! *winks* c: ! my birthday present isn't very big :/ but i hope you will be happy with it D: !! hehe .. <3

i can see you tmr .. finally <3 i miss your hugs so bad.. !! wonder if u do too :O ? HEHE
saranghaeyo !
benjamin

angels .

" i wish i could be an angel that could watch over you, never hurt you. ''

second day we're having the same problem .. cause of me . zzz ! i don't wana keep hurting you but i don't know i really don't why i keep doing so.. zzz fking annoying head of mine .

I've decided to head to the counsellor tmr to talk out what's wrong .. it hurts having doubts T.T but i really hope you'll be here with me every second im sorry for being selfish but i really really need you :'( don't throw me behind .. even though i know how much it hurts you but i promise that ill be strong enough to really ignore all those things in my head and i hope i can do this by your birthday so at least i'll be able to give this to you as a birthday present i think that would be the best birthday present that i'll be able to give to you :/ ! i really hope i can ..

and please don't think that other girls are better than you.. im the one thats not good enough for you .. i think too much and even till now still have doubts .. im really a failure .. i'll try by your birthday get over it, i know its a short time and it might seem impossible but i just know that i don't wana hurt you ever again and i don't wana have this kinda quarrel with you making you sad just before you sleep..

sorry for making you sad ..
ben,

ps, i wonder if you need a hug now as badly as i do now. :'/

babysteps .

" love is blind "

today was the first day of school.. it felt really really weird cause i wasn't able to see you :/ .. felt as if i haven't seen you for such a long time . sigh ..

i .. hurt you again today with my thoughts .. i'm sorry .. idk why i will anyhow think these kinda things also .. i wish i knew how to stop it :'c !! I really wish i knew .  first day and i made you sad and hurt already .. :/ ! sigh.. my heart hurts just as much when i hurt you .. i really want you to feel happy and feel loved ! i don't ever want you to think that you're alone or no one cares about you.

To me , i think you're beautiful you don't have to put make up or anything, as long as it's you. you're beautiful to me ! doesn't matter how the other girls look like, i don't bother . cause that's their problem it's not important at all . to me all that matters is that you're happy, secured and safe . im sorry i made you paranoid and moodless today .. i shouldn't have talked about other girls , making you paranoid and stuff :/ ! i just wana assure you that no matter how pretty or how err big their thing is it doesn't matter to me ok ? cause i only love you .

Don't think that i'll find you irritating cause of you being paranoid or any of your other problems, hey you can tahan so much for me already what makes you think i can't too ?! silly girl.. my job is to always make u feel secured and loved what makes you think i'll get tired of it ? :/ ! don't ever think that way ok ? and idiot.. was all you want my full attention :'( ? you have it okay ! no one else will & please don't suffer alonee.. idc even if u're paranoid everynight i also want you tell me , i'll sayang you and let you sleep soundly ok ? im here for you ~

love,
benjamin .

ps, looking forward to your cake :') !

motivated .

" you & me , we make a perfect 2 "

School's starting again and we're back to that irritating cycle of waking up early :( ! I'm quite tired typing this so don't blame me if it's short :( ! Im very touched that you understand and care and worry about my studies :') ! Really really touched (: sorry for being naughty half way through though :X hehehe ! And I'm otp with you now can tell you are super tireed and you just wana pei me <3 ! Why you so cute LOL phone snatch me away :B hahahas ! I love you okay ? Tmr jiayous ! :)

Love ,
Benjamin :) !

Ps, sorry for the short post :/ !

forever .

" if love was easy there'd be no forever "

Herrow,

1st :
Terribly sorry about my moodswing and my sudden jealousness & that attitude I gave you when you cared for me. I hope that you won't treat me differently because of this D: !! Sorry sorry :'c ! I dk why I get so easily jealous and moodswingy :/ !! Sowwei.. please forgive me

2nd :
There will always be a time when your down and moody and having lots of doubts on your feelings or anything and its hard to say it out .But i just want you to know that I will always be here to lend a listening year to talk to you till you feel better ^^ . Alright ? No matter what happens my shoulder will always be there. I mean it :) ! So don't keep everything to yourself ! :@ share share with me too ! Cause your important !! And andd sometimes I walk away cause I like how you pull me back :x ! So don't think I'll really walk away :/ ! I'll never walk away :o ! Unless you call me gay or anything >:( !! Idiot grudge <3 !

3rd :
I'll wait for you ok? (: don't doubt that ^^ ! 2years compared to a lifetime I promise you is nothing^^ not like you can't see me or icant see you for 2years ! :D okays !

Picture of us ^^ !
Love ,
Benjamin :) !

Nevertheless thanks for today (:

endlessly .

" I'm no angel, I'm just me. But i'll love you endlessly . "

The Cab - Endlessly


That song really tells a lot about you <3 reminds me of you hahaha ! You should know that song uh ! If not you should really really go listen to it !! :] hehhe ! Today never see you abit weird sia my day abit plain plain de. Hmm wonder if you feel the same way. :b now on the way home le at buona vista now :) .

Today woke up at around 10 den garden abit den slack until about 12 plus then I went out with my DISE gaming friends me and Keith today got talk quite abit so still okok uh. Hahaha but abit weird uh. Then eat at Seoul Garden ^^ ! Ps at that time keep late reply you x_x ! Must had made you abit sad uh ! Then we went to walk to some LAN at Bugis there de, wa ! The seats mcm like aerosplane seats sia ! Like those sofa sofa kind :D ! Super cool lor !! >< wana bring you there one day ! :) but idk if got Audi ley, maybe dont have .

After that I walk to chambers yup I walk ! :3 hohoho see I so healthy walk ley !! :P meet Gary and Brandon there den talk to peiwen abit . After that we go mrt to amk then I today abit Zi high sia keep sot sot sing sing LOL ! Hahahas irritate Brandon until he bth hahah ! LOL ! Today starting we sell first two door buy sia :( then after that Rabak everywhere also dw buy. Today took a white slipper tho :D ! So quite happy hehe ! Billabong de. The other slipper look very weird sia so I change :x ! Hehe. Maybe that's why cannot sell. Ok I reached Clementi le now walking back. My hips pain sia my belt keep making my waist until very tight, tmr must hug me alr :x !

Okok I type until here :x !

Ps, today keep late reply :( ps.. ! Make you worry D: ! Hope I can faster make your doubts go away :) today if u got any I here give you this kiss *mwahh* chase it all away ;) ! <3

My future gf <3
Benjamin loves you :)!

Psps, I just say a cockroach run past me LOLOLOL !


Pspsps, this picture of you really has your sweetest smile <3 :') !!

cherish .

i cherish you more than anything else <3 i cherish us alot ! :) I'll fight every doubt i have away for us to last lifetimes :') ! HEHHEE touched ? better be ! :b

sorry this is gonna be a rather short post cause my brain abit dead now uh .. heheh ! i just like spending time with you uh ! your laugh makes me feel really happy sia :x im like serious ! LOL i just can't wait to spend my life with you and wait for the day you will always be around me 24/7. reminds me , ps uh keep asking u ask to stay over tmr :/ i really want you come sia .. just wana spend one last night before sku starts x.x pray your mom lets ^^v ! hahaas ! miracles ;pray .

kkay, no matter what happens you will have me by you too ok ? so when u no mood must tell me ! i will sayang you and hear your explanations, rants and whatever ! :)

Yours forever,
benjamin ^^ .

PS: thanks for being there for me. i really really appreciate it <3 ;

lovestruck .

tell me when your feeling sian/nomood ok ? i don't want you to keep caring for me but not yourself ! :@ must understand you're important to me also ok ! i won't stand seeing you sad and heavy hearted .. 

im sorry about last night </3 :c ... it hurt me so much to quarrel with you lor !! D: heart ache sia.. sayanggg :( ! i will always listen to your explanations ok ? buttt if its nonsense den ill scold u >:( like u cutting urself last time. dont ever do that ok ?! <3 

sorry for having moodswings too .. geez :( cancer people sucks.. lucky to have you :/ ! i really feel lucky and blessed. i don't care how beautiful other girls look cause i can tell myself that your the perfect fit in this puzzle heart of mine <3 :B hehehe so i won't be tempted. YOU ALSO HOR !! :@ cannot leave me for some other guy :) ! lets grow old together and share the same bed, sheets, problems, worries & moodswings together :') ! 

ANDDDD not my saliva alot horr :@ !! yours ok !! D: love bite queen >:( ! LOLOL okok i really hope can bring you out go out walk walk sia before the holiday ends.. D: cause i dont feel motivated to study, need to walk and think through my life again when i go out to walk :) and i want you next to me when i do that , cause you're part of my life now <: no matter how bad things are i know ill have you & you'll definately have me . 

LOVE, 

 *your boyfriend* 

:* LOL ! <3

sacrifice .

im sorry for , 

1) making you feel bad when you had already made plans before hand and i asked you out to come all of a sudden. :'/ 

2) for being angry and pissed at you. 

3) for being selfish and unable to make you feel better..

but i want you to know that whenever we quarrel now later next time or in the future, i don't ever want you to run away from it just by taking all the blame ok ? idk why your so scared of getting into a quarrel with me. it's inevietable in the future and we're bond to quarrel as long as we're together. every couple would, but i want you to think of quarrels as challenges and through these challenges we will understand each other better ok ? i promise you i'll never leave you means i never will . understand ma ? if we have problems we talk it out as a couple we solve it together as well . none of us is allowed to run ok ? as long as we fight it means both of us is at fault . i know your past had made you feel like that , but im telling you to point the middle finger at them cause none of it was your fault ok ? they were fked up people who didn't knew they had a treasure . 

and i won't ever find you irritating ok ? i understand why you have doubts cause i have them too and don't feel bad about ok ? that's the last thing i want you to do ! no matter what you'll have me , & i mean no matter what . our past is what makes us stronger so step on those faggots and rise up ^^ . i'll be right behind you all the way i promise . 

and .. sorry for making u angry :/ really my fault uhh this time .. D: preaseee dont kew me . i scared sia when u suddenly call me and say * ni zhen de yao zhe yang * >:( !! dont angry ok ? tmr de thing i really didnt know u had plans so i keep asking :c sorry .. i actually wanted to bring you go and cycle and blow blow wind spend some time outside at east coast or pasir ris park or sentosa or west coast and enjoy the nice views there :/ maybe can make u feel better abit also inside. everytime come my house only i scared by the time u have to really stay at home with me you also sian alr.. :c so yea.. sorry i made u feel bad and pekcek.. :/ 

*PS : I WANT A SORRY TOO HOR ! >:( but.. i forgot why i was angry at u ley D: ugh.. T-T fml.. & i love you alot :c .. sorry about just now !! D: want let u early sleep in the end liddat :/ ! sowwei..

i love you <3

Ben . 

lips .

Lips just feels like an inside of a rose .. <3

Wondering what you're gonna text me to melt me :b ! HAHHAA waiting. Thanks for coming over and pei-ing me for the whole of last night! <3 love yours hugs and ofc your lovebite. Tmr must take picture tgt !! :$ heheh ! Our first official date ley :B !! Excited and now I'm in a good mood <3 !! Not much major moodswings ! Speaking of which really your first kiss meh? :/ you like so experienced ley your tongue so active one. :$ ! And sorry laaaaa I also dk why will stand also x_x !!

I wonder If your touched by the *paragraph* I wrote LOL ! Your letter is still on standby <3 ! Hahahas my head abit dizzy on the cab back home naow! :3 hehehe !

Tmr movie on you uh ? :$ HAHAHHAA ! OKOKOK excited alr ! <3 must sleep ok next time :) when i O level u come over my place pei me study also ok? C: !


I love you <3 ;

Benjamin ~ ! Your beautiful

beautiful .

Helllllloooooo ! :3

Today morning wake up mcm like so sian sia.. :( I miss you :x ! Not used to not having you around :/ ! Den I rot at homeeee till 12 liddat den go chambers nua with mark c: then after awhile go eat with Melissa and introvert, otw there meet dao you LOL ! :b you look cute sia in long sleeves !! Like really >< ! Okay den bought you lunch and water c: heyyy must eat de ok? <: cannot don't eat de !

You sure you okay ma? Today mcm like you moodswing ley :/ Whyyy so sian liddat ley ? Sayang you ok? <3 anything can tell me de (': !


Benjamin

Yours only (:

lalala .

LOL ! Today never see dao you :c !! Abit bu xi guan alr :/ ehh put my picture as your wallpaper too? :b hehhe ! >< below my picture after my Rabak ice cream sales :/ today don't manage to clear stock left only 1 :( WALAO you lah ! Never suppork :x ! Sighhhhhhhh :@ but still got earn dao $50 . Hehhe ^^ still got $10 tips ley hehhee. I so cute ^^ not bad right ? Oh yeah tmr meet me luhh :/ don't so pig luhh :c ! Okok?


Oh yeah and tell me what I must do to make it facts that you are my girlfriend ? :c I don't know how find out ley :/ !! Oh yea after tmr movie got go chambers ? :0 or you pei me go back Clementi change den I go out sell ice cream >

Loveeee you !
Benjamin ;

messy .

SIPUT HEAD CAN NEVER BE SOBER :@ !!
*rantrantrantrantrantrant* :@ :@ !!

i love the way you brush my hair :x .. sayang me wor :o ! LOL ! >< relaxing :3 ..
thanks for being there for me when i really need it, even though nothing much changed :/ but you still stayed there and care about me :') ! I appreciate it ! <3 iloveyoula ! Your beautiful and you have the sexiest personality, smile and laughter & of course ur beautiful :) ! It sucks to have moodswings all the time :c but im really luck and blessed to have you by my side :) ! someone that loves me this much <3 ! hehehe ! Im gonna be fat really soon cause ur gonna spoil me x.x !! Can feel it LOL ! anyways , thanks for today and i hope tmr you can ton lor ): PRAYS* !! kk nights <3 rushed post LOL sorrrry >< ! i love you ! 130612's ;flow

Benjaamin ! :D

ps, take a picture with me soon :( idk how so u must auto abit on this part okie ? >< WEW !

feelings .

Hello Mrs Lim ! :D

LOOOLL ! Heyy, finally wedding already ! ;hoho not bad huh ? SS beloww >:) ! Okay today's post is beloowwwwwwwwwww ......................































GRUDGE !!! LOLOL !





awww ><! hahahhas ! I love you <3 okay belowwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww....................



























Okayy, today's post is gonna be very naggy cause it's about your health and i want you to take good good care of urself ! yes not only good but GOOD GOOD . < not typo hor. :) okok so i want you to eat regularly ok ? Don't dont eat cause u dont feel like eating must eat de !! If not liddat your body won't have enough nutrition and you will feel tired and stuff. And also, drink lots of water your lips also cracking already must drink more mah !! wet wet soft soft den nice to kiss also :x LOL JOKE. okok so remember to always drink water i'll remind you time to time :) ! If you don't i will neverrrrrrrrrrrrrr kiss u o.o AIYA JUST DRINK OK ! AND EAT ! >:( ! mmmm andddd, if you're tired just take naps ok ? Don't sleep until like 4 hours plus plus liddat you cannot sleep at night, if u want just take 1 hr plus naps ok le kk ? And try sleeping ontime also :o sku starting soon if u anyhow twist ur body clock uhhh next time very hard wake up when sku start de okie ? <3 guai la hor ! You guai i be your pillow :) but i also dk if u want lie de not :/ ! okok so remember hor !


And sorry for going to her on foty like having abit of feelings and all.. sigh.. i promisee i won't go back to her i really do. After that day gary gave me that advice thats why i wake up den i will know den i really never go find her what so ever alr ! D: please don't think your still my second choice :'( ! Sorry :'c !!!! I really promise grudge i won't everrrr go back to her !! I fell for grudge le D: and your number 1 in my heart and i'll never lie about that. Really really ): if u need time again .. to prove den ok... i wait for you ba.. use this 2 years to prove ba :/ ! Gary give me de advice i really follow till the end.. so don't sadd ): sorry that day i went back to her :/ right now i really really really have no feelings for her really. Now it's just thoughts of feelings my heart is really with you only.. please don't be sad ): !!

This is the fking stupid thing about me....

wenxin, im sorry i went back to her that day and i know this is the second time .. but it's really the last and im really really sorry .. ;hurt .. argh.. i hate myself for not being able to not fall in into temptation again.. :@ I fought off all the feelings towards her already.. after spending time with you and all really made me happy with your company and i got to know you better and all .


if u didnt really understand what the last 2 paragraphs were saying, read this :

I really fell for you hard this time and i swear i won't let you go. if 2 years is what u need to prove that im true that your no longer my second choice and your now my only choice. I'll give u 2 years even 4 years ill do my best to prove to you :/ ..

i cant type more le father nagging .. ;sigh im terribly sorry ... please don't leave ..

benjamin ..

love .

Aww today you come my house then tickle me untillllll !! :@ but okay la you this pillow nice to lie <3 ! HEHEHEHE ! And yes I'm willing to wait and I will :) your one in a million :3 and I don't want to lose you. And the drawing I really draw for you one lor !! :@ WALAO nice ley I think.. Eh tmr you come give me wake up call okie >< 9am reach my house my maid open door u come wake me up okie >

crazy day .

Just when I wanted to post a longgg longg post for you then i Kenna scolded by some crazy guy for 30mins and got problem with rem again /: sighhhh suay sia ! :c

Today wake up jitao lazyyyy go school so just nua on my bed awhile den 2hr later reach school :o ! Hehe at least got go >:) ! *guaikia face* hehe! Now on my 1hr mrt ride home :c battery also 69% :( ! LOL anyways then after that met Gary eat macs. Wah these few days I eat a lot sia @@ I tmr morning do crunches already if not I confirmp
Obecome like one garfeild . Ok then Gary come my house den mark met
me there then we watch and play thing until 5 liddat den we slowly go down simei sell ice cream. My mrt tio delay :( sighhhh :c ! Today sales only sell dao 16 cause of that crazy man also :/ haizzz.

Okay den you say u decided o.o semo lai dee :@ ! Pranking me uh :/ ? Well if it's about us than I'll tell you I love you and I will always always cherish you <3 ! :) and yup I fell in love with the way you care the way you fall asleep :3 hehe >< laugh until so cute ! :b hehe ! And Gary give de advice is guy's advice luh :b no need worry la :b


BENJAAAMIN < NOT JIAMIN :@

Byee :3

u .

i love you cause ,


















































































i just do and you have the sexiest personality <3 LOLOLOL !! longest post i've ever posted ya ? LOLOLOL ily ;) !

your heart .

you're stubborn, always
you're shy, always
you're sleeping, always
you're lazy, always
you're insecure, easily
you're jealous, easily
you're hurt, easily

;  you're important to me, forever...

can't blame you for thinking that i might hurt u if u took my hand..
im sorry for saying sorry all the time and hurting your already broken heart
its like cutting a wound deeper down .. im sorry :'c

i want you to know that i will never make you feel like my second choice
ever again .. ily and i promise it and i wont break it .

stop caring about others when you're all hurt inside, you have every right to
make me care for you .. but why don't you ? why do you keep looking out for me
what about you ?? baby what about you !? your important too ya know ?

im sorry for ,

making u jealous
making u sad
making u insecure
making u scared
making u lose trust in me


when i hear your laugh i feel like everything is ok c':
ily

benjamin ,
ps ; thanks for coming today c: i hope you can come again next time . i love your company c: !

taking a chance .

Today very pekcek sia.. cause of the FOTY thing. Rabak com still can't chain only they can chain :/ .. Sigh. And i think by the time you read this post it should be tmr le ba ! LOL kk . Anyway i now thinking alot of stuff mostly is about how im gonna ask you tmr and how your gonna react to it. Maybe when you read this i would have already asked you x.x ! And i just want you to know that  no matter what your answer is you mean the world to me and i really love you. my heart is yours so i kinda want you to lock it up cause its like some kid will naughty naughty de :x ! So i leave it to u to control, ill listen to you :b ! I love you lots and nights <3

Yours only ,
Benjamin

prays.. and here it goes.

sigh .

On the way home from work today.. Super tired & thirsty sia. Today went to cube with Gary and Brandon try com.. Super cui sia :l I think foty jialat already @@! Then after that went to meet friend sell ice cream all the way at tampines :@ !! Sofarrbodohhh..... Then someone dw come cause lazy :/ don't so lazy can? :c I rather you don't want den lazy lor.. Today cleared stocks earned extra hehe. $8 more. Got chiobu gimme number leyy !! I jelly? >< hehe kk fake. You like domo o.o LOL didn't know. Hahas :) ! ARGH MISSED THE LAST TRAIN HOME :@

I starting to think i getting irritating in your eyes :/ idk why. But yeaa.. Sorry if I am and tell if I really am. Sorry I also abit paranoid x.x.. And my heart I promise won't change anymore. @yourtweet. My bus journey below D: Rabaky. :< pray that you will wana talk me to sleep tonight.. :l hehe. Kk nights.

Benjamin ~

choices .

One moment my heart says it's her another it says it's you. I wish i could have met you first or i didn't knew you at all.. I don't wana lose you but i can't seem to completely put her down. I feel guilty loving you cause i still have feelings for her. But as of now, i can say i killed most of it i guess.. I'm scared of hurting you.. I hurt myself just as much when i do.. trust me when i say that. I really wana have a restart at everything.. but sadly i can't. I'm really sorry for hurting you... Although its totally unreasonable to be asking something from you but im asking.. could u give me time to sort out what my real feelings are ? Yes.. its true.. when she talks to me feelings do come back.. but i don't know how to explain it.. its confusing. So i asked you to read this is to maybe give me some time and let me settle my feelings and when im ready i'll tell you.. I'd never wanted to hurt you.. never. I'm sorry for being a jerk and messing with feelings like that.. FOTY that day i'll give u an explanation and an answer or earlier.. Right now i still have feelings for you but im scared to say it out because it might just be out of guilt so i need time to prove it to myself.. we're cancers so i know how hurt you are now.. if i could do anything to heal it i would.. & now i just wana tell you that.

if i wana love you, i wana love you right.. I too forgot how to love someone correctly cause of my past and all.. i made similar mistakes and i don't wana do those stupid mistakes if we're together..

Benjamin..

Ps, only you know this blog so yea.. :/ I suck at expressing myself so ill use this blog to explain to u stuff.. ok ? </3 sorry for everything..